By Davis2e
Dog: Hello Cat! Can you believe it’s March already? I can’t believe it’s already been three months since our Christmas snowball fight. The time sure flies by in a Tropical Paradise. And nothing bad ever happens. Dum dum dum….
Cat: That’s interesting and sus—
Dog: Anyways, I am a little tired today. There was this bright red light sort of shooting out of the top of that big volcano close to the house. It woke me up for a while, but I went back to sleep. It was probably just a volcano party.
Cat: I’m pretty sure that’s a volcano eruption, and it’s usually not good at all. It’s not good at all! You should also be careful because magma can melt anything.
Dog: Yikes! That makes me just the teensy tiniest bit nervous because I sent the puppies up there to join the volcano party. I thought it would be fun for them. They left to climb the volcano about three hours ago.
Cat: I’ll go grab the helicopter, like, right now—we need to check if they’re still alive. We better hope they’re still alive or else Miss dog will be pissed at you.
Narrator: at this news Dog fainted. He passed out on his back with all four legs sticking straight up in the air. Cat tried to revive him. And soon after… Kaaabooooom!!!!!!! There was a tremendous shaking as an earthquake trembled the island. The shaking revived Dog and he got to his feet.
Dog: What-aaa-aaa-aa-ts haaa-aaa-aaa-peniiiiing!
Cat: It’s an earthquake.
Dog: Oh! We used to have those back in San Francisco. Well, that’s not so bad. See-ee-eee it’s already stopping a bi-iiii-iiii-t.
Cat: I know, I’m here too. 🙄🙄
Dog: What were you saying before I, erm, fainted? Something about lava and volcanoes? Oh no! The puppies are at that volcano party!
Cat : For the last time: it’s not a party, it’s an eruption, so we’ll stop calling it a party—magma can melt through anything.
Dog: An eruption?! Oh no! We have to rescue the puppies immediately! I’ll call a taxi to go pick them up from the volcano part—. Um, to pick them up from the volcano. Isn’t that a crazy coincidence, a volcano erupting AND an earthquake in the same day? Amazing!
Cat : Well, sometimes earthquakes cause eruptions, so you may experience an eruption and an earthquake on the same day.
Dog: Hello? Slow poke Taxi Island Service? I need a taxi to go fetch my puppies from the top of the volcano. Hello? Hello? Are you there? Why are you screaming in terror? No! Don’t hang up! Cat, they hung up. Good to know that an earthquake is causing an eruption. But what should we DO?!
Cat : We’re in the helicopter, we’re going to pick them up. We can’t use a taxi to pick up some puppies who might be doomed. I told you magma can melt through anything—why would a taxi driver go up a volcano to rescue some puppies while it’s erupting?
Dog: No, no Mrs. Dog. You did not hear him say doom. Not at all. Don’t cry! Don’t Cry! Uncle Cat said the puppies are “groomed.” Didn’t you, cat?
Cat : I didn’t say groom, I said doomed.
Dog: Thanks a lot cat. For nothing.
Dog: Happy to help!
Dog: Ok, Mrs Dog, you sit there in the corner. Cat? When did we get in the helicopter? Oh never mind, I see the puppies down there!
Cat: I’m always glad to be of help and yes, the puppies are now hanging from the rope ladder so either I’m going to put them down on the ground a safe distance away or they’re going to climb up here.
Dog: Hold on puppies! Don’t let go! Ahhh, the rope ladder is swinging in the breeze. This is the last time I ever let them leave the house! Oh my goodness! What is that orange river down there?
Cat: That’s magma. I have already told you it’s super destructive. Anything in the way of it will get melted or burned unless we do something.
Dog: Oh man, this day is turning out to be a real nightmare. At least that lava is flowing away from us to the north. Wait! Aren’t our houses to the north? Oh no! It’s headed straight for the dog treat factory.
Cat : Don’t worry dog, I had a little secret thing that’s kind of a mix between a dog treat Factory and a dog treat castle.
Narrator: Activating the endless moat.
Dog: Cat, you are a genius—puppies! Stop fighting this minute! Keep all four paws on the rope. No, Rover, do not bite Odie’s tail!
Cat : Okay, after this lava cools, who wants some lava rocks?
Dog : What on earth would I do with lava rocks?
Cat: : They’re good decorations.
Dog : I’m not thinking of decorations at a time like this! Why can’t we get the puppies into the helicopter—woah! Lava is shooting into the air. I can’t watch!
Cat: Okay, we’re landing safely on the ground.
Dog: I need to do my breathing exercises to calm down. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
Cat: You’ll be fine, dog. We’ve gotten through worse things. I survived the Titanic for goodness sake.
Dog: What?!? The TITANIC! I thought cats only had nine lives. Puppies! Get over here. That volcano party was out of control, and we need to evacuate!
Cat: Dog for the last time, it’s not a volcano party, it’s a volcano eruption—completely different things. The volcano eruption turns things into burned and melted blobs, in a party people play games and have fun. Completely different things
Dog: Right, right right. Volcano eruption. Got it. Um, should we be worried about that river of red gooey stuff that’s rushing down the mountain? It’s coming this way!
Cat: Okay everyone get back in the helicopter we’re going to need to get high🙀🙀🙀
Dog: One, two, three puppies. They are all here. Lift off! That red flashing fuel button on the dashboard must mean we have plenty of gas.
Cat: Where are the kittens? Don’t worry, we have an emergency tank—switching to the emergency tank. And, we also have liquid Schwartz.
Dog: That does it! This day is too stressful. Where’s the Time Machine, I want to go back to this morning for a redo. Sniff. Sniff. What’s that smell….ahhh, I think it’s singed puppy fur.
Cat: Dog, you know you’re not allowed to use my time machine—hey you’re not supposed to know I have a time machine! 🙀🙀
Dog: Wait, what?! You DO have a time machine?! I was joking. Hang on, my phone is ringing. It’s Mrs. Dog. Can you talk to her? She’s back at the house.
Cat: She called you, not me, you talk to her.
Dog: Hello? Mrs. Dog? Now don’t panic, the puppies are all here. I told them they are grounded from going to any volcano parties—em, eruptions—for at least two weeks. We are in the helicopter. What??? Five feet of ash are covering the house. That can’t be good!
Cat: Dog? Can you hand me the phone please? oh hi Miss dog, are there any lava rocks on your house? Like just touching your house. Go into the basement and shut the door. You should be safe in there…
Dog: Mrs. Dog? You’re breaking up? Hello? Hello? She must have lost reception in the basement. But Cat, what exactly can we do to cool this volcano down? Maybe throw some ice cubes on it?
Cat: You can’t just cool down a volcano by throwing ice cubes on it; we would probably need half of an ocean just to put out the lava in it. Very probably, it would just blow its top off from all the pressure—you would need to have an extinct volcano before it cools down.
Dog: Oh, well I guess that won’t work then. When we get back to the house, I just need to dig up the 4, 579 dog bones I have buried in the backyard and we can evacuate the island!
Cat: Or, we could just move to the other side of the island. That’s literally the only volcano we have on this island.
Dog: Oh……but I thought the other side of the island was forbidden. You told us never to go there or we would be in very, very, very big trouble. I told the puppies there was a puppy train over there where they had to ride around in a carrier for hours to scare them into never going over there. (Puppies hate being in carriers.)
Cat: I never said it was forbidden, I just said it was really densely inhabited. Plus, there’s a lot of trees that won’t get burned down easily. That’s the reason that part of the island is so densely inhabited. there aren’t really any ways the kids could get hurt, besides tsunamis and floods.
Dog: Ok. No Problem. “Hey puppies! Good news! That train that made you ride around for hours and hours in a carrier burned down in the volcano explosion. We’re headed to that side of the island, but there’s nothing to be afraid of. Pack up your favorite things to take with you. You’ve got five minutes!”
🕙🕥🕚🕦
Cat: Okay dog do you have everything packed? I already had houses built over there just for an emergency. I had them built yesterday, so there shouldn’t be too much dust in it.
Dog: I’m almost ready…there’s only one problem. My Dog Bone Collection has 3, 948 bones in it. How big did you say the helicopter is?
Cat: Dog, you know we can take multiple trips.
Dog: Ok, good point. We’ll get all the bones out of here, and then Mrs. Dog’s dog bed collection (she has 43) then we’ll come back and get the puppies. Hopefully the lava won’t reach the house by then.
Cat: Dog, you would ditch your kids just so you could make sure your dog bones are safe? That’s just pure mean. You’re darn lucky Miss Dog doesn’t know that!
Dog: Awe gee, when you put it like that, I do feel like a scoundrel. But it took me years to collect all those dog bones, and the puppies arrived in a few months! Ok ok. “Puppies! Time’s up, start getting into that big helicopter over there with the kitten.”
Cat: Yeah I’m flying the kids over so I will see you when you’re done. Put your collection in the trunk, and good luck!
Narrator: Rumble, rumble, rumble. A second earthquake shook the island. A giant crack opened up in Dog’s backyard, and his pile of dog bones fell into it. “Ahhhh!” Barked the puppies in terror!
Cat: Well, so much for your dog bone collection. See ‘ya on the other side, brother.
Dog: Now Mrs Dog, the only problem is I can’t remember exactly how many puppies we have. Well, this seems like a lot, so hopefully we have them all. Close that hatch of the helicopter and take off! Ouch! What is that thing poking me? Really? Who decided to bring a hockey stick???
Cat: Dog, you packed a hockey stick?
Dog: It wasn’t me! It was these crazy puppies. Woah there! Woah Mrs. Dog. Are you sure you know how to fly this thing? Up! Up! We’ll crash into the side of the volcano!
Cat: Oh, you know some came with me? So let me count: there are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10. Okay so have 13 puppies, unless one was left behind and that one is probably going to get eaten by the volcano.
Dog: Oh no! I remember now. There were fourteen puppies! We’re missing Popcorn! He didn’t want to go to the volcano party, so we had dropped him off at math class. He’s always studying. We have to rescue him!
Cat: Math class is on the third island I own. The third island doesn’t have any volcanoes so he should be fine.
Dog: Oh yes, I forgot that. We send him over in the mini submarine. He’s studying with a math genius there named Mathy Matters. I’ll just text him on the Dog Bone (I mean Dog Phone) and tell him to stay there.
Cat: Okay I’ll drop your 10 puppies off at the house where they should be safe, and I’ll go pick him up after that…
Dog: Cat, you sure know how to manage a crisis. What would we do without you? Aha! We’re flying over the other side of the island now….I think I see a house!
Cat: Okay, what material does it look like it’s made out of?
Dog: Gold walls and windows made from diamonds. The roof looks like emeralds. It’s a jewel palace! Wow!
Cat: That’s the most secure place on the island, that’s why it’s made out of a lot of riches!
Dog: Holy Dog Tail! I thought this was a terrible day, but it’s working out. Woah! WOah! WOah Mrs Dog! Put the helicopter down gently. Don’t crash into that treeeeeeeee.
Cat: Please don’t tell me you crashed into a tree.
Dog: Cat, I hate to be the one to tell you, but we just crashed into a palm tree. In fact, the helicopter is stuck up here.
Cat: Well, open the door then and see if you can climb down.😼
Dog: Ok, Hang ooooooooon! Oof. Well, I wouldn’t exactly say I climbed down, but I’m down. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Puppies! I am not a trampoline for you to leap down onto. Stop! Stop! No! Not you Mrs. Dog!
Cat: That’s hilarious! That’s really funny, your kids think you’re a trampoline. 😼
Dog: Huff, puff, huff. That’s easy for you to say, I think I’m going to be winded for the next month. Hello! I see your helicopter flying over. Where’s your house?
Cat: Just follow me. Did you see the way my helicopter went? Go that way!
Dog: Ok! I saw your helicopter disappear behind those trees over there. I’m lacing on my four sneakers and I’ll jog right over.
Cat:You used sneakers! Dude you’re a dog! How many dogs do you know that use sneakers when they’re going to run over there.
Dog: Well, it’s really your fault Cat. It was the gift certificate you gave me for the Doggy Spa. Ever since I’ve been getting those paw-dicures, my feet have gotten so soft. Ok, sneakers are on. I just need to find my sun visor and water bottle, and I’ll be on my way!
Cat: Wait I see your crash-landing I’ll be right over there so you don’t have to do all that running. You’ll probably have to climb right back up the tree to get all that stuff. Plus, I didn’t give you that certificate, I gave your wife money so that she could get you a present. Apparently she got you that certificate. I gave her quite a lot of money, and then she got herself 20 diamond rings.
Dog: Oh Miss Dog! You sneaky lady! You told me you found a box of twenty diamond rings at the beach! You told me we didn’t have enough money to buy that special dog bone 3-d printer I wanted. Wait! That reminds me. We need to get this helicopter in the air so it can go back for my dog bone collection. I was only able to bring 46 with me.
Cat: Dog, you don’t need a dog bone collection! I will buy you that 3D bone printer, so then you can just easily remake your collection.
Dog: Wow! It’s an amazing tool, but very expensive. It comes with a library of all the most famous and delicious dog bones in the world. And the best part is, they’re technically vegetarian because they’re made out of flavored plastic!
Cat: Dog, I bought an island. The printer is probably cheap compared to how much this island was. I own 10 other Islands, and if they’re more expensive then all 10 of these islands—I mean 11 of these islands—then it’s definitely fake…if it’s more expensive than an entire Island then I’m going to sue them for charging too much.
Dog: The 3D printer is on sale. It’s $28.75 plus tax. Everybody, clear the area! That helicopter is about to fall out of that treeeeeee!
Cat: Too late, I already secured it so it won’t fall, I’m going to put it down 5 4 3 2 1
Dog: Ooof, good thinking, Cat. This day has been so stressful. I can’t remember anything like it. Puppies! Come get your duffle bags out of the helicopter. We should get moved into the house before the moat fills with lava.
Cat: What moat? There’s a giant wall of fireproof wood. I planted the woods about one yard in every direction.
Dog: Fireproof wood? How is that EVEN possible?! Is this another of your genius inventions, Cat? This is an impenetrable fortress!
Cat: Yes, it is one of my genius inventions. And another bonus, it does not hurt when you run into it. It’s like it’s made out of cotton—you can go through it but it doesn’t burn down. Anything that’s related to fire can’t even touch it.
Dog: Well I’ll be darned. You could sell a ton of this stuff back in California where they keep having such big wildfires. But what will happen when the lava cools, will we be trapped in this part of the island?
Cat: No dog, there are actually a bunch of trains leading to the other Islands I own, and some of them are even near California. Some of the islands are in Mexico, Japan, New Zealand and Australia.
Dog: Wait, you have trains that can cross oceans? How?!
Cat: Well dog, it’s actually quite simple. There are actually a series of trainways so that you can go all the way across the ocean. One goes from Australia to New Zealand. But, you can’t go from the Australia one to the California one.
Dog: Cat, how does it feel to be the smartest cat in history? Are you burdened by your genius? You have a solution for everything! We should make you President!
Cat: Technically I’m already the president all the time, but I did buy a special Island for you and miss dog; it’s actually the one in Mexico, right off of Cuba. It’s actually quite a balanced temperature—and I don’t think my genius is a burden, I think it’s a cure!
Dog: I’ve always wanted to go to Cuba! I hear Cuban cigars are great (shhh, don’t tell Miss Dog. She says smoking is a filthy habit!). Well, she’s probably right. I shouldn’t smoke cigars. What else do they have there? A balanced temperature would be good. Living in a tropical paradise gets to be pretty warm when you’re wearing a fur coat all the time!
Cat: Dog there’s actually another better place: I own two islands, I guess they are near China. There’s giant bamboo forest and there’s pandas; and another cool thing is there might be tigers> I haven’t really checked out all the islands I own.
Dog: Ah! My ear drums. Cat, if there’s one thing you never do, it’s to say “p-a-n-d-a” where the puppies can hear. They yelled “cute” so loudly I think I have permanent hearing loss. Wasn’t it lucky you happened to have ear protection on. It’s almost like you knew… How many islands do you think you have altogether?
Cat: Oh I think I have a round sum about 20, maybe 30, 25 is the closest guess…
Dog: Awe here, take a seat on the patio. We can watch that bubbling lava shooting into the air as it hits the fireproof woods. And see the volcano erupting lava and ash into the air in the background. How relaxing. Can I Refill your iced tea? Where on earth do you find islands for sale? Who would sell an island?
Cat: Usually rich people who are really bankrupt (or want to get rid of the island).
Dog: That makes sense…I guess. You can probably pick them up cheap after a tsunami, volcanic eruption, invasion of killer fleas….
Cat: Wait, invasion of killer fleas? There’s no such thing as an invasion of killer fleas. In one of the famous cat quotes about fleas: there are some born with fleas, some accomplish fleas, and some have fleas thrust upon them.
Dog: Well, the last one is definitely true in my case (scratch, scratch). By the way, where are the kittens? Are they ok?
Cat: Oh yeah, they were here awhile ago, but now they are doing digital learning.
Dog: What is digital learning for kittens? Practicing saying “meow, meow, meow?” That doesn’t sound too hard.
Cat: hardy har har har. Not funny. I know it’s where they are learning all their genius. I just didn’t mention the dogs have also been doing digital learning… they asked me if they could also do it, so I said yes. If they seem to be getting smarter for some reason and finding new ways to sneak up on you, that’s because they’re learning.
Dog: Hmmm…come to mention it. Nermal did sneak up on me in the kitchen last week and surprised me just as I was having a dogbone. I jumped so hard my head hit the ceiling! He laughed so hard he coughed up a furball.
Cat: Good, that explains where he was last week. I was wondering where he was, and Miss cat was worried sick—even though he was a brat, he was also on time out. That explains why he snuck off, and when he came back thinking we would not miss him. We were standing in front of the door looking very cross. Of course Miss Cat said “I’m so glad you’re okay, but you have to sit for 10 more minutes on the Time Out Chair. I just started taking away their free screens because I just noticed that when you put them on timeout, it gives them time to think about what their next things are to get in trouble for.
Dog: Good point, it’s important to keep them occupied. Of course, that’s going to be harder now that they’re locked inside the compound. How long do you think the volcano will keep erupting for? I hope we don’t run out of emergency supplies.
Cat: It will only only last for like a couple of more minutes, but there could be an after eruption.
Dog: Oh that’s great! I was worried we were going to be here for years. I made a reservation for miniature golf for Saturday, we’ll still make it! It’s for the puppies’ birthday.
Cat: Golf. Seriously? dog, you take your kids golfing when it’s their birthday!
Dog: Dog: Well, it IS a risky move. We tried to take them once before and Odie was knocked out with a golf ball. This time we’re going to make them really tired with a long frisby chase before we go. Gee, I hope the golf course isn’t a lava course now.
Cat: Where is the golf course?
Dog: Oh, it’s on the side of the volcano. It’s a very advanced course. The balls always want to roll down the mountain!
Cat: Dog… That’s a volcano not a golf course.
Dog: Really? Are you sure? Because this red parrot named Shifty charged my credit card $50 to make the course reservation…
Cat: Dog, I don’t know what to say about your brain or how smart you are, but it’s terrible.
Dog: Oh Cat, no need to be modest, it’s ok to say I’m a genius! If you want Shifty’s number, I can get it for you. I’m sure the kittens would love golf. It’s a lot like playing with a ball of yarn. Anyways, what’s for dinner? I’m starving!
Cat: Dog, let me put it this way, you’re not a genius.
Dog: A super genius??? Really, you think so! I always thought I was average.
Cat: Dog, you’re not even close to genius.
Dog: Gee Cat, I guess I don’t really understand what you’re saying. It’s hard for really smart people to understand ordinary conversation sometimes. But anyways, want to come over for spaghetti and garlic bread? It’s my specialty!
Cat: Dog, I’m going to call Miss Dog, to see if she thinks you’re really smart. “Oh hi Miss Dog, I was calling to see if you think your husband is smart… Yes you’re right… It’s so correct!” So Dog, your new wife and I both agree that you’re not that smart.
Dog: Well, I’m sure she’s just saying that not to offend you. Woah, Cat, watch out! That banana almost hit you. Puppies! I told you not to pack the slingshots!
Cat: Those are not slingshots. Those look like ballistas? Wait, are those my secret stash of cat-apults?
Dog: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Stop this immediately! It’s not battle time, it’s dinner time! If you don’t stop, I’m making puppy meatballs! Ouch! Stop! Ouch! Oooh…did I just see a kitten hiding behind that tree with a bazooka?!
Cat: What’s a cat-apult? Wait, is that a literal cat-a-pult? Cheddar, you better not launch your brother out of that!
Dog: Take cover…!
Cat: Run as fast as you can do it. Run to the hills!
Dog: Never mind the volcano, the real threat on this island are the puppies and kittens! Ouch! Stop! Ouch! Don’t throw that loaf of bread, that’s for dinner!
Cat: Run, quick, I have a speed boat about one block away from here. We can get to the one the other Islands I own.
Dog: Come on Miss. Dog! We’re leaving these puppies and kittens and going on vacation. So long pups! We’ll be back for your high puppy-school graduation…if you’re lucky! Let me just get my swim trunks, my snorkel, my fins, my water wings, my swim cap, my sun screen and my beach ball….
Cat: Dog, you really overpack. I mean seriously? Swim trunks? We’re literally going on a short boat ride. Just to change to one of my trains so that we can get to the island pretty far away from here… how does that sound?
Dog: Trains? I love trains! I’m so glad you mentioned that. I’ll just get my conductor’s cap, my train whistle, my overalls and money for our tickets.
Cat: Dog, you know I own this train so you don’t need your money. Everything on it’s free, even the dog treats.
Dog: Ok, that’s good to know, because I only seem to have seventeen cents. Ok, we’re ready! Let’s go! See ya later puppies. Hahahahaha!
Cat: Hopefully the cats and dogs don’t catch up to us in my secret submarine.
Dog: Well, I know the puppies are good and dumb, so they should be fine. It’s those dang high IQ kittens of yours that are the real problem. What were you thinking teaching them all that smart stuff like how to pilot a submarine in stealth mode?
Cat: Oh and another good thing is hopefully they don’t know where the submarines are.
Dog: Hmmm….When you say “submarines,” do you mean there is more than one submarine? Ohh…suddenly I feel very seasick. I need to lie down. Ohhh nooo…I knew I should have brought the inflatable emergency raft!
Cat: What emergency inflatable raft? We have a yacht, for goodness sake.
Dog: I bought the raft at Catco last month. It was on sale. The sign said, “use in case your yacht is torpedoed by a submarine filled with naughty puppies and kittens.” But it’s back at the house…
Cat: Oh, what are you talking about torpedoes? I switched those out for missile launchers.
Dog: Oh…I’m going to faint. Wait, wait, get a hold of yourself, Dog! We’re talking about your children and cat’s kittens. They aren’t our enemies. They’re just high spirited kids. Of course they aren’t going to try and sink us…right…?
Cat: Dog… wait, those tracks in the water don’t look natural. Miss Cat, activate the force field.
Dog: Oh, that’s probably just a missile-launcher fish. They look just like a missile launcher…ahhhh!!! The missile is coming out of the water. Puppies!!!! You are GROUNDED after this!
Cat: I’m going to go check on the other side just to make sure there aren’t we aren’t getting attacked over there, and I might send the puppies some retaliation.
Dog: Retaliation? I’ll tell you about retaliation! No dog treats for a week! No birthdays! No Christmas! No summer break! No, no, no, no dog bones! Good puppies and kittens do not missile their parents!
Cat: I’m going to send the puppies some retaliation; going to my submarine.
Dog: Wait, Cat, you can’t go. I don’t know how to steer a yacht. Wow! This force field is amazing. The missiles are just bouncing off of it. How long does it last?
Cat: Oh, about 50 seconds.
Dog: Go! Go! Go! Get in your submarine. How hard can steering a boat be? I’ll aim toward those rocks over there!
Cat: Yacht cat, activate autopilot!
Dog: I’m coming with you! Let me just get my submarine shorts, my submarine hat, my telescope and my underwater camera.
Cat: Dog you know you have your own submarine, and it also has autopilot. You don’t need all this crazy gear to be in a submarine ‘cuz if the submarine gets blown up, you usually get blown up, so you probably won’t need your bulletproof armor.
Dog: Cat, that does not make me feel better. Ok! I’m in the submarine. I’m pushing the big green button that says “G-O.”
Cat: Good dog, now if you want to fire a missile press the red button. If you want to fire the machine guns, press the blue button. If you want to go invisible, press the transparent button—well, just look for the thing that looks like it’s missing a button.
Dog: Got it! I’m pushing the button that has a dog bone on it. Oh, and the one that has a dog bowl on it. With all this excitement, I need a snack!
Cat: Okay, but make it fast.
Cat yacht: Activating invisibility
Dog: Crunch, munch, crunch, slurp, gulp. Gee cat, I’ve been wondering what’s making these youngsters act so crazy. It’s almost like they’ve been brainwashed or something. They would never have tried to kill us before. Do you think the volcano released their primal instincts?
Cat: Oh, the brainwashing did work. I thought it failed, ‘cuz they acted normal at first.
Dog: WHAT! Cat! Ohhhh! You fiendish feline! This time you’ve gone too far! You have no right to be brainwashing the puppies without permission! This is the last whisker! Why on earth did you do it?
Cat: You didn’t notice that they started actually listening to your commands that you’ve been telling them?
Dog: Well, come to think of it, they did evacuate from the volcano very quickly. Are you saying this attack is just a side effect of their brainwashing treatment for obedience?
Cat: I don’t know, though if you’re wondering how I brainwashed them, I think I might tell you.
Dog: I am curious but—. Um, cat, a giant red button that says “extreme danger ahead” just lit up on the dashboard. And now the submarine is saying, “doom, doom, doom.”
Cat: Dog, you just press the button and you should be fine. And I gave them a bone—a special type of dog treat that I like to call a command a dog treat— it takes a while for them to eat it, but then you just say the commands that will result in their behavior.
Dog: Command Dog Treats. That’s interesting. They weren’t in the box that said “Command Dog Treats,” were they? Because I ate a bunch of those last night.
Cat: Oh, the brainwashing part only lasts as long as 50 seconds if you don’t give them a command. But if you do give them a command, then they’re basically kind of brainwashed.
Dog: That explains a lot, Cat. Because right after I ate the treats you called and said “Dog, if you’re so bored why don’t you jump in the pool.” And I couldn’t help myself, I jumped in the pool! Uh Oh! The submarine says “Evacuate. Evacuate. Evacuate.”
Cat: Well, get back to the ship. I will cover you.
Dog: Ok! I’m pushing the button that has a ship on it with little arrows and a missile thing pointing toward it. That must be the “return” button. Ok, it’s all set!
Cat: Dog, I forgot to tell you, never to press that button unless you’re trying to sink a ship.
Dog: Oh no! I’m looking through the periscope. Ahh…the ship just blew up! This is terrible! My suitcase isn’t waterproof. Say, wait a minute, if you made the little ones launch this attack on their parents, can’t you tell them to knock it off?
Cat: Dog that was your fault that the ship blew up… luckily your wife was not on that ship, and you’re worrying about your suitcase???
Dog: Well, yes! That suitcase had my train whistle and my conductor’s hat and my red bandana in it! I can’t go on the train trip without them. Gotta go, the submarine is pointing to an escape pod. It says it will launch the pod in 3…2..1… Byyeeeee (Dog’s voice fades as he is launched in the escape pod).
Cat: Ugh (cat say while shooting out of the water and pressing the button that has a plane on it)
Dog: Is that you up there cat? Wow! I just have to ask, how come your escape pod converted into an airplane and mine just converted into a tiny row boat? I’m not very good at using oars, you know. It’s going to take me forever to row to land. And I’ll get blisters on my paws!
Cat: Dog, you’re darn lucky this plane can land on water so you can get in, and you’re also darn lucky it has a passenger seat.
Dog: That’s great! Land over here! I’m right here! Just one question, did you bring my co-pilot’s uniform with the airplane pin and my cool sunglasses? I never go on a plane without them.
Cat: Dog, here’s the truth: you don’t need fancy uniforms to go on everything. The only reason fancy uniforms were invented was so they could show how honored they were to the royalty or to be in the same space as someone famous.
Dog: Hmm…I guess you’re right. I just love shopping for fancy stuff! I’ll make an exception this time—ack! A huge wave just filled the boat. I’m afraid I’m going to sink. Good thing I can doggy paddle!
Cat: But dog, you’re basically a sitting target for the puppies and my kittens; so let’s get out of here and meet Miss dog at the next island. We’ll take the tram straight out of there… So where do you want to go after this?
Dog: That depends…Can we make the puppies and kittens stop? Or once you give them a brainwash command, will they never rest until it’s finished? If we can make them stop, I was thinking it might be nice to visit the old doghouse where we used to live when we first met you. If you can’t stop them…how about a trip to the moon, or maybe Yellowstone? Maybe the geysers will distract them!
Narrator: Cat sends an auto-pilot plane that lands and picks up dog
Cat: Dog, I know we can stop the dogs but I’m not sure about my kittens, I never had time to give them a brainwashing command treat so they’re in control of the puppies.
Dog: Cat, you know how you’re always saying things are my fault? Let me be blunt with you. Let me be honest with you. As a friend, let me tell you how I feel. Those crazy kittens are YOUR fault!!!!
Cat: Their behavior isn’t my fault, their intellect is my fault.
Dog: Intellect—shmintellect! You raised them to be cunning, clever, ruthless, super sassy kittens! This was bound to happen! As soon as we get on the tram, we need to start inventing a cat brainwave transformer so we can hypnotize them and make them be good again!
Cat: Dog, you’d really believe I would think to trust you with something that could also hypnotize me too? No, crazy!
Dog: Cat, I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but this is parents against kids. We parents have to stick together! It’s our only hope. Look, I googled “kitten brainwave machine” and found a youtube video on how to make one. Oh look! I see Mrs. Dog down there by the runway. Uh oh, she looks wet and angry. Maybe we should keep flying…
Cat: Agreed, I can send a plane
Dog: Ok, while we’re flying, I’m going to find the parts we need for the brainwave machine. It says it is powered by a moonstone from the Wishbone crater on the north side of the moon. Do you happen to have a moonstone from the Wishbone crater on the north side of the moon? Do you think we can buy one online?
Cat: Dog I already know what we need and how to build it. All we need is a Tesla coil and a brain as a powerful enough energy source.
Dog: Oh, why didn’t you say so earlier? A boy in our old neighborhood named Davis had a Tesla car! We can take the Tesla coil out of the car and use it. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if we explained that we only need to borrow it to stop a world takeover by kittens.
Cat: Dog, I have a Tesla coil, and they don’t come from Tesla cars
Dog: Well fine, if you have everything all figured out, I’m just going to take a little nap. I’ve barely slept since the volcano erupted. Yawn, I’m exhausted. Wake me up when we get there.
Cat: Dog, wake up, we’re not there yet, but I’m pretty sure Ms. dog’s in a plane. Either that or the kittens have got a plane—it’s coming straight for us, machine guns blazing.
Dog: Evasive maneuvers! Barrel rolls! Fasten your seat belts, I’m going roller-coaster style with this one!
Cat: At least we’re in different planes so I wouldn’t be the one going up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down forever.
Dog: Yippee! It’s fun! I love the loop-d-loops! Uh-oh, the airplane says “Gas tank hit. About to Crash. Deploy the parachute and evacuate plane!”
Cat: Well too bad we can’t shoot her down, that would just make her even more mad; well jump on my wing and I’ll fly us to safety.
Dog: Dang it! I knew I should have packed my parachute goggles. Oh well, I’m closing my eyes and juuuuump-iiiiiing!
Narrator: Thud! Dog lands on the wing of cat’s airplane!
Cat: Dog how much dog treats and dog food have you been eating and tasting?
Dog: It’s not my fault! You gave me a dog treat factory for my birthday! What’s a dog supposed to do? But…wait a minute…I think the problem might be the bowling ball I brought. Let me just throw that over the side of the airplane…weeeeee! This is way better than driving in the car with the window down!
Cat: You know we have a bowling alley, so you can get some there.
Dog: Ahh! Watch out! Miss dog is coming straight for us! Ok, fly over her plane and I’ll drop my other bowling ball on it! That should buy us some time to make it safely to land.
Cat: Dog, buckle your seatbelt because I’m going to use a famous evasive maneuver which should give us enough time to get to ground safely while she’s confused…
Dog: I’m on the wing of an airplane! I don’t have a seatbelt! You’re a crazy cat, you know that??? You are one crazy cat! Don’t you dare let me fall off this wing! I’m not having fun anymore!
Cat: Then hurry up to get into the second seat so then I can pull off my evasive maneuver; if you’re wondering what my advice maneuver is, let’s just say that by the time she passes us, our engine will be revving and blowing past her again!
Dog: Great plan! Ok, open the window. Oof, I’m in! Gee, this is a lot better. Ok, my seatbelt is on! I’m ready to evade Miss Dog!
Cat: Getting ready to cut the engines…
Dog: What?! That does NOT sound good! Let’s not cut the engines. Let’s glue the engines! Hang on, I have super glue in one or the other of these pockets…
Cat: Cutting the engines…
Narrator: Dog screams as cat cuts the engines. Miss Dog’s plane veers out of the way and Cat turns off the engines. Then, cat activates the engines and blows past Miss Dog, blowing her doors off.
Dog: Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! My heart is pounding. My goodness, my goodness, this day is very stressful. I need a vacation from my vacation. Look! There’s the runway. Land down there. Land! Land now! I’m done with planes.
Cat: Well that’s a relief because I thought that after you knew I know how to fly a plane, you’d want me to find you everywhere. It’s time to get on the train to Japan and see how well my bamboo farms are going… and my panda Farms , too.
Dog: Oh! Pandas are the cutest! I can’t wait for this train ride. I don’t think I’m ever getting on a plane again. This is going to be great, just the two of us. We’ll leave Miss dog to figure out how to undo the brain alterations on the cats and puppies. We’ll bring her some seaweed snacks when we come back. Let’s roll!
Cat: And it’s a good thing he doesn’t know that we’re filming a movie.
Dog: I’m going to be a movie star? Oh, I always knew I would be famous. Which do you think is my best side? Look! The train is starting to move.
Cat: Dog it’s shocking that you didn’t notice we were filming a video. The yacht blowing up, a plane chase, all the good movie stuff.
Dog: Wait, you’re saying that guy right there is a cameraman? I thought he was my Amazon delivery guy…I’m expecting an order of dog treats to be delivered today. When exactly did this movie start? Oh look! This train car has a velvet dog bed in it. Ah…..this is the life!
Cat: At the beginning of the book, and I’m surprised since you watched SpaceBalls so many times, you didn’t recognize what kind of movie it is.
Dog: The volcano was just part of the movie?
Cat: Of course it is, who doesn’t want a volcano to start off a good movie?
Dog: Oh, Cat, that’s the most amazing special effect I have ever seen! This movie is going to be a blockbuster. Wait… does that also mean the kittens and puppies attacking us is ALSO part of the movie? That’s a relief!
Cat: No we told them to attack us, so they probably won’t rest until they finished attacking us. Oh look! Miss Dog is chasing us down in her plane. Okay dog, this is the part where Miss Dog takes at the bridge ahead of us and we have to jump on a plane on the water.
Narrator: Dog faints
Dog: When Dog woke up again, Mrs. Dog was patting his face and saying, “there, there. It was all pretend. I would never shoot you down, even if you are annoying sometimes.” “Where…am…I?” said dog weakly. “Are the puppies under control?”
Cat: I know they’re always out of control but technically we still don’t have control over them; it’s been a glitch with some of the scientific modeling.
Dog: A glitch with the modeling? Like when the weather man says sun but it ends up raining? What does scientific modeling have to do with puppies exactly?
Cat: Well let’s just say it’s hard to explain to someone with your very, very low brain level.
Dog: Low brain level is right! My brain feels like it’s buried under a ton of bricks. Say, where is this place? Are we in Japan?
Cat: Yes, we’re in Japan, and we’re in a secret base. Dog, you’re lucky it’s one of those movies where the sidekick doesn’t die.
Dog: What?! Cat, how could you even suggest such a thing?! I’ve been your loyal friend. I’ve been as loyal as a—. Well, I’ve been as loyal as a dang dog! Can we get sushi?
Cat: Dog, just so you know what type of movie it is, it’s a drama.
Dog: It sure is a drama! If we don’t get those puppies and kittens under control, it’s going to be a never-ending drama. How do we fix this computer modeling glitch? What about a microwave pulse? Can I also get an order of edamame?
Cat: Dog, I’m surprised you haven’t even asked what the name of the movie is. If you want some sushi, just upstairs.
Dog: Well, I didn’t ask because I just assumed the movie would be called “Dog Hero: The Brave, The Magnificent. With a cat.” But the cat part would be written in teeny, tiny letters at the bottom. Let’s get some chow!
Cat: No. It is called, drum roll please,
Narrator: Drumming
Cat: “Cat and Dog: the movie. Starring Cat the Great, Miss Dog the Amazing, Kittens, and the Dogs.” And at the very bottom: Mister Dog.
Dog: Well that doesn’t seem quite fair but let’s discuss it over lunch. Is this the door out of the bunker? What does that flashing red light that says “danger: puppy and kitten intruders” mean?
Cat: Okay dog, the cats and dogs are here! And luckily we have an exit, though it won’t go upstairs. It’s a long tunnel, we have to do our challenge after challenge and then it gets to the mine rail of deception.
Dog: No. No. No. No. No. I am not going down any long and dark tunnels. I’ve seen enough movies to know that never goes well! I really think we can unscramble the young ones’ brains patterns if we zap them with my iphone. Look, I’m downloading an app that says “Puppy School: For Taming the Naughty Puppy in your House.” Well, that’s what we’ve got. A whole bunch of naughty puppies!
Cat: you may think that’s a smart idea, but I do have a special type of phone where we could basically edit the puppies on it.
Dog: Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place? Are you ready? I’m opening the door! “Hey puppies: come and get us!” (hehe, that got their attention).
Narrator: A swarm of angry puppies and kittens with teeth and claws ready for battle rushed into the secret bunker.
Cat: Get down, Dog! Dog, get out of the way!
Narrator: dog jumps out of the way. Cat clicks the camera button on his phone, and all of a sudden there is quiet.
Dog: Phew, that was a close one. Puppy junior here almost bit me in the behind! You puppies are grounded. No TV and nothing to eat but plain rice for a week. And as for you kittens! You should be ashamed of yourselves. You are supposed to be a good role mod…
Narrator: dog notices that there is no puppy or kitten around.
Dog: Oh, cat. I, Oh. Oh me. Oh my. I think I must have a concussion. Oh dear, dear. My head is spinning. I don’t seem to be able to see any puppies or kittens. I know they were here a minute ago. Oh dear, dear. Am I going crazy?
Cat: You’re not going crazy Dog, this is why I was so reluctant to use this super powerful phone. You take a picture with it, and basically anything that’s made out of Flesh, or that can talk, any animal, will basically disappear from the world…and then they’re basically in your phone and you can change how they are, how they look, and how they behave. Then, you can release them back in the world.
Miss Dog: You vaporized our puppies!!!!
Narrator: Dog faints
Cat: I didn’t vaporizer the puppies, I technically transferred them onto the phone. And don’t worry, they’re probably not going to get deleted because they’re with my kittens; Miss cat would kill me! (Literally).
Dog: I really hope you have that file backed up to the cloud. What if the battery on your phone dies?! Ok, quick. Reconfigure them to be good, nice and smart (but not too smart) and re-materialize them right away!
Cat: Done, re-materializing in 3 2 1.
Narrator: The kittens and the dogs pop out of thin air, right where they were.
Dog: Oh puppies! Kittens! Your back! Oh thank goodness—. Wait a minute. Cat! These puppies all have one ear and two tails! And the kittens have whiskers growing on their behinds!
Cat: Dog, that’s only your imagination. It is kind of risky to basically instantly edit them and then release them back into the world, but I’m going to look through my backpack just to check if I’m going to say something that’s correct… we could have just teleported away from here, I have my teleportation pad with me.
Dog: You see? It’s always good to pack for every possible outcome. (whap, whap. A puppy with two tails is wagging them in dog’s face). Cat! It is not my imagination! This puppy has two tails! This is not ok. Say, wait a minute? Remember when we all teleported to the ice cream parlour last week? Maybe the teleporter has a memory of the correct kitten and puppy configuration saved. Maybe it can fix them…
Narrator: Cat flashes his phone at Dog, then releases him 5 seconds later.
Dog: Cat! Will you please stop shining that light in my eyes. Say, wait a minute! These kittens and puppies look normal. You did it! You did it Cat. Congratulations! Sushi party everyone!
Cat: Maybe I should have made Dog less food addicted.
Dog: Puppies, you’ve been very, very naughty. Miss Dog and I are not happy with you. But, if you are very, very good in the restaurant and don’t attack us, or shoot at us, or try to blow us up, or sink us, or launch us out of airplanes, and, if you keep your napkins in your lap, you can all have green tea ice cream for dessert.
Cat: Well all’s well that ends well. Let’s hope it stays here for the rest of the movie. Dog, what restaurant were you talking about cuz it’s just an island, it’s a nature reserve, there’s no restaurants on this place—which is pretty much the only civilization there.
Dog: No restaurants? Did you say no restaurants? None at all? Oh, I think I’m going to faint.
Cat: Dog, the main reason I decided to start buying all these islands is to preserve the wildlife on this island. There barely used to be 100 pandas, and now there’s more than a thousand!
Dog: That’s very noble, Cat. But if this dog doesn’t get some bamboo chutes right now, you’re going to have an extinct dog on your hands.
Cat: Dog, don’t worry, there’s only one lonely island near us —and it’s in China—so it has a couple restaurants but the rest of it is nature reserve. It’s actually basically the whole island is a national park or worldwide reserve.
Dog: Well what are we waiting for? My dog bowl is packed!
Cat: Here we go, we just need to get on the train, oh we’re going to have to take a boat. I forgot that there’s only one train that goes around all my islands that I own, and it’s off the bridge into the Atlantic…I mean the Pacific.
Dog: Well, I’m not too excited about getting on another boat after today’s adventure, but my empty stomach says we’ve got to do it. Come on sailor puppies, prepare to climb the gangplank! We’re going out for lunch!
Narrator: a little while later…
Cat: Well dog, it’s good that this movie is ending so we can think about making another movie.
Dog: I’m ok with that, Cat, as long as it’s a comedy.
Coming to theaters near you: Cat and Dog the movie! Starring Dog the Particular, Cat the Inventor and Miss dog and the puppies and kittens©
Studio Phillips 